Report cards of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

Blind fights, two safety cars, accidents, collisions, petrol that disappears, billboards that disintegrate, Mercedes that fly [this one] and much more. Welcome to Abu Dhabi. And welcome back to Kimi Räikkönen, who goes on to win an incredible race on the very day in which he mathematically exits the fight for the world championship. And precisely in the only Grand Prix in which he is not toasted with Champagne but with soft drinks. Crazy stuff... Behind him Alonso, who recovers a handful of points on Vettel who made a mythological comeback. Hamilton retired, for the umpteenth time, while he was dominating the race. Enjoy the reading! [and sorry for the delay]

Sebastian Vettel: 9st – The crash in qualifying wasn't his fault. He has the merit of believing in it, always, completing an exceptional comeback. Favored by events, read Safety Car, but fortune always favors the bold. And he was bold, just look at the overtaking of Button at the end of the race, risky and almost risky, considering he was fighting for the world championship. Far from "Button fell asleep", a comment as ignoble as it is ungenerous towards both of them. For matches like this you need attributes, he brought them out. His inattention under the first Safety Car cost him top marks, and above all it could have cost him dearly. But he was probably just making apotropaic gestures while listening to the TV commentary in Italian on headphones. And then there it is. Wrestler.

Mark Webber: 4,5 – On the eve of the race he said that McLaren often gets off to a bad start. Obviously it is he, at the start, who remains impaled while half a column passes him by. Then, as usual, he fails to line up two overtaking passes. It may also be the fault of the set-up chosen, too loaded, whatever you want. But at this point he should do some self-examination too, dammit. Is it possible that it's always the same story every time? When he decides to risk it all it obviously goes badly for him, first with Maldonado who rams him then with Massa, who scares even if he had the Scream mask on instead of the helmet. They tell him not to dare fight with Vettel - as if there were any need - and he obeys. Then the exchange with Perez. Fault of circumstances, perhaps, but poor race. He serves the cause like a second navel in the middle of the forehead. Useless.

Jenson Button: 6nd – He takes them soundly from Hamilton both in practice and in the race. A performance gap that is honestly difficult to understand, justify and - for him - to digest. Having said this, and having noted the impossibility of fighting, he does what he does best: stay out of trouble, sit on the river bank and wait for the enemy's corpse to pass by. And - here too - as usual, things seem to be going well for him, enough to get to the podium area. But then Vettel surprises him with a fairly reckless maneuver, and he has enough sense to avoid a Maldonado-Webber scene. And he still brings something home, despite coming out smaller. Modest.

Lewis Hamilton: 10 – The collective handshake at the wall - after yet another retirement as a dominator this season - is worth more than many other words. Like that of Michael Schumacher at Suzuka 2006. You are born a gentleman, he seems to have become one. Previously he had dominated easily, showing an embarrassing superiority towards everyone, including his teammate. It's a shame, his adventure at McLaren shouldn't have ended like this. And - precisely for this reason - we liked the final scene. It would have been bad if the duo had broken up by shouting bad words at each other. There are still two races to go, we wish him to leave Woking with a success. Perhaps it was his best year, 2012, from a driving point of view. He doesn't deserve all this. Heroic.

Fernando Alonso: 9th – He gives his best once again in the race, and once again he is very good at gaining ground in the very early stages of the race, passing Button and Webber in the space of an amen. Certain maneuvers you can either do right away or you don't. But then he dutifully follows Räikkönen and follows him, now further away, now closer, until the end of the race. He even takes a risk with Webber on the first restart. He fails to make a comeback in the final laps, just like a few years ago, again here, with another Renault, driven by a Russian pilot. For goodness sake, he's fine like this. Raise your hand if you would have predicted on the eve of the race that Fernando would close the gap to Vettel in Abu Dhabi. What is certain is that, given how things had turned out on Saturday... perhaps he was hoping for something better. Very little to reproach him for, however. Mastiff.

Felipe Massa: 5,5 – After a good qualifying he also gets lost in the race. His current value is probably that. What is certain is that without the absurd incident with Webber he could have collected more. He calls for the penalty against the Australian, but frankly we agree with those who decided to let it go. More than an incorrectness on the part of Mark, it seemed to us to be naivety on the part of Felipe, with the instinctive swerve to the right which puts him out of action. Nothing particularly new under the Western Front. But this time we deny him the pass, because it would have been legitimate - after a decent performance in practice - to expect a step forward which did not arrive. Ceilinged.

Michael Schumacher: 6,5 - Incredible. In a race where everything happened, crashes, take-offs, accidents, spins, wild knocking down of signs and so on, for three quarters of the race the good Michael seems to stay away from trouble, breakdowns, bad luck or breakages. Incredible. And in fact it's not true. Three quarters of the way through the race a puncture forces him to make an additional stop which effectively sends him out of the points. This writer, when he heard the radio team announcing the thing, started laughing. From the series "there is never an end to the worst". And to say that - with the material available, as usual - the Kraut was building his little garage with dignity. But that's it. It's only two more races, Michael. Hold on. Drilled.

Nico Rosberg: sv – Mercedes is not Red Bull. And this seems clear to us. He still tries to give him the aaaals by taking off over Karthikeyan. This is not the way. And this too seems established to us. The doubt remains as to which is the greater misfortune. The accident - in which neither of us is at fault, incidentally - or this year's Mercedes. Let us know what you think. Precipitate.

Kimi Räikkönen: 10th – He deserves a ten just for the mythological Team Radio in which he clearly screws up the wall by saying «I know what I have to do, I'm doing it, don't remind me every minute. Leave me alone and don't mess with me." A hero. Especially because what he says is true. In the sense that he ACTUALLY has the situation under control. And he wins the race, the first of the season, moreover on the day in which he mathematically exits the fight for the title. Certain geniuses can only be achieved by him, few stories. His Lotus isn't worth McLaren, it's not worth Red Bull and maybe not even Ferrari. To win you needed to be perfect and exploit possibilities. And that's what the blond man from Espoo does in Abu Dhabi. Clean, gritty, yet fast and consistent. He deserved this victory, based on what he showed during the season. And if he had had a slightly faster car under his noble backside… Legendary.

Romain Grosjean: 7th – Raise your hand if, after the start or three-quarters of the way through the race, seeing him struggling in difficulty, you didn't think “here we go again, another crap”. The person writing to you is the first to admit it, so don't worry and come out. Yet, as incredible as it may be, twice he gets involved in accidents and twice he has nothing to do with it. Strange championship, really. Who knows what he felt when he found himself on the other side of the fence this time. Of course, in the Emirates Kimi is from another planet, few stories, both in qualifying and in the race. But in this case we don't feel like attacking the Frenchman, also because - we repeat - most of the problems he had in the race derive from the mess at the first corner in which - this time - he doesn't seem to have any particular fault. And so, given that they have often and willingly given him... a huge vote of esteem. And good luck to Austin. Centered.

Paul di Resta: 7 – He was also involved in the chaos of the first corner, where he got a puncture in his rear tyre. It's not clear how - a shame because the starting point was interesting - he managed to stay afloat thanks to the safety cars. He's good at not making a mess in a race in which many, too many, got carried away, and in the end he deservedly grabbed a few points. He says he regrets not being able to pass Senna, who was also fighting with Massa, but we're more than happy with that. Also because in his last appearances he had seemed decidedly opaque. Does he run better when Hülkenberg is out of action? It may be, just as it may simply be that he needed a positive result to overcome a small momentary crisis. We'll see in Texas. Got back up.

Nico Hülkenberg: sv – The first lap doesn't even end. He touches Senna and his race ends there. In our opinion a normal racing accident. So meet me in Austin and best regards. Unjustifiable.

Kamui Kobayashi: 8 – Aggressive little ant, Samurai with a blunt but always dangerous sword, Kamui is one of the few who did practically nothing wrong in Yas Marina. And he is rewarded with a placing that raises his prices at a very delicate moment in his career, when he finds himself forced to act as a representative, knocking door to door at sponsors to raise money and present himself better to team managers. All of this - let's go back to talking about sport - with a Kers that is in fits and starts, and which makes it difficult for them to attack and defend. He says he is rightly proud of what he has done. How can you blame him? He finishes sixth, also ahead of Massa. Commendable.

Sergio Perez: 4,5 – The only explanation we can think of is that he's trying to get rid of the bullshit bonus before landing at McLaren. Because for a few races now he hasn't gotten one right, between delusions of omnipotence, optimistic maneuvers to say the least and dramatic errors of evaluation. He also runs well in Abu Dhabi, performing a couple of not bad overtakings, only to then throw everything away with a Kamikaze maneuver that eliminates Grosjean and Webber and gives him one Stop & Go. It makes you want to hit him hard, given the amount of points he has thrown away in the last 45 days. Let's hope you don't have to regret them. And let's hope that Kaltenborn doesn't charge him for the damages caused. A large part of next year's McLaren salary would be at stake. He needs an ice-cold shower, he risks hurting himself. Calm!

Daniel Ricciardo: 7rd – He will become more famous for inadvertently causing Vettel to tear down the sign DRS zones and for having stoically achieved an excellent tenth place finish. It's the harsh law of Formula 1, apparently. But he makes the best of it, also acting cool for having been able to keep up in the final laps a certain Michael Schumacher who was attacking him - with fresh tires - from all sides. He probably gets the most out of a depleted and flat-out Toro Rosso, without making any mistakes and being very careful to stay out of trouble, especially at the start. In some ways a proof of maturity, which we rather like and appreciate. These too are satisfactions. Wise.

Jean-Éric Vergne: 5,5 – As usual he fails to qualify in a decent manner, partially compromising - here too as usual - the Sunday result. In reality the race is confusing, at times chaotic and full of twists and turns, and this shuffles the cards. But not for him, who struggles to climb back up and is practically only included when Vettel overtakes him twice in the first laps. He struggled in the second stint, his tires ran out early and he was unable - unlike Ricciardo - to contain the return of Michael Schumacher, who stripped him and in just a few laps gave him seven-odd seconds. Oh well, it's okay. At least, in his first official appearance in the Emirates, he does no damage. And there aren't many who can say they've done something similar. Or not? But he has to improve on Saturday, for God's sake. sQualified #1.

Pastor Maldonado: 8,5 – Tough and rough as only he can be, he shows an enviable state of grace already on Saturday where he climbs into noble positions with mastery and class. In the race at the beginning he goes like a train, then the Kers abandons him and this makes it impossible for him to defend himself from attacks from those coming from behind, however Drs-Powered. On the occasion of the collision with Webber he perhaps went a little over the top, but fortunately the judges decided that it was a racing accident and dismissed the whole thing without sanctions. Small parenthesis: the undersigned would add a million signatures to always have a college like this. And what the hell, give us back some wickedness and competitive spirit. He finishes fifth, an excellent result in itself but a mockery considering that, net of the others' misadventures, he could have finished third or even second. Sin. But the fabric - when the head holds up - is excellent. Jelly.

Bruno Senna: 6,5 – He throws [almost] everything away at the start when he is involved in the multiple collision and has to stop immediately in the pits. For once he has no problems overtaking those in front of him, also thanks to the good pace of Williams, and in the end he climbs into the points, finishing in a decent eighth place. Everything was fine, except that for the umpteenth time he was outclassed by his teammate. Which builds a large part of the result in qualifying. Well, like Vergne, he too suffers a lot on Saturdays, and in this F1 it is difficult to work miracles if he starts from behind. Not to mention - in fact - that the further back you leave, the easier it is to touch someone at the start. His race is still sufficient, for goodness sake, but little more. Even if feisty, and we like it. sQualified #2.

Heikki Kovalainen: 7 – If we had a cent for every time we wrote «he starts well, gains positions, then gets overtaken again and simply leads the pack of drivers for the new teams» by now instead of writing report cards we would be enjoying a nice trip around the world on a private plane in the company of amazing hostesses. But unfortunately no one will ever pay us that damn penny. And so repeating the concept for the umpteenth time - even if in reality Perez also ends up behind him, but that's another matter - has the flavor of mockery both for us and - let's suppose - for those who actually drive Caterham number twenty , or the blond from Rovaniemi. What more he can do, frankly, we don't know. He tries to gain high-ranking sympathy by moving sharply upon Vettel's arrival, but we don't believe this will earn him a place in Red Bull, at least for next year. And it's a shame, because all in all he has rebuilt a good sporting virginity after the semi-flop at McLaren and deserves a second chance. We'll see. After all, he comes from Santa Claus' town, who knows what he will find under the tree. Boring.

Vitaly Petrov: 5 – Kovalainen's report card is followed by Vitalij's. And here too we usually find ourselves writing that the Compagno follows the Finn throughout the race, then arriving in parade at the finish line. Well, ladies and gentlemen, not this time. This time, Perez - who we have already talked about extensively - and Glock stand between Heikki and Petrov. The Russian justifies himself by complaining about a lack of grip throughout the weekend, a lack which limits his speed and ability to maintain the desired pace. Will be. What is certain is that in 2010 he was decisive here, while today... He is not a phenomenon, but he deserves a place in Formula 1, even if not in a top team. It is not with performances like those in the Emirates that he will find it, especially if - as it seems - he is really short of sponsors. He has two races to stock up on good figures and self-sponsor. Good luck. But we didn't like it here. sGripped.

Pedro de la Rosa: 6,5 – Shortly before the start his car clashes with a tyrewarmer, and this is worth more than many technical considerations. As if to say: yes, ok, this is a single-seater, a racing single-seater, but F1 is something else. However, he manages to start and, coming last, crosses the finish line alone. He says he gave everything, and honestly we don't see how it's possible not to believe him. Or at least come up with reasons to contradict it. The reality is that, at his age, we don't know how much sense it makes to continue risking our necks - see Karthikeyan - to collect less than crumbs. But if it's fine with him, it's fine with us. And the fact that next year it will be at the start again comforts us. There were professionals like that. Utopian.

Narain Karthikeyan: sv – The HRT is so slow that now opponents don't just overtake it left and right, but there are also those who overtake it. Jokes aside, he gets quite a scare when Rosberg's car flies over him due to a technical problem that stops him exiting the corner. And the most beautiful scene is, after the crash, seeing the two clarifying each other by patting each other on the back, unharmed. The best commercial for this Formula 1, in the opinion of your down-at-heel report card writer. It deserves a 10 for this alone. But since it can't be done… Overlooked.

Timo Glock: 7 – Well done Timo! Every now and then he remembers that he was a good driver and he pulls out tough and gritty races like at Yas Marina. Of course, at the beginning he and his partner risked making it big by playing bumper cars, then luckily the German shifts into seventh gear and goes off, tailing Kovalainen and digging a furrow between himself, Pic and the HRT. After the safety cars, he finds himself behind Sergio Perez, furious, and masterfully manages to keep him behind until the checkered flag. He finishes fourteenth, therefore, but more than the placing, what impresses us is precisely the battle in the final laps with the Mexican. A leap of pride born of frustration but still commendable. Which earns him a good grade in a season peppered with [few] highs and [too many] lows. Cork.

Charles Pic: 6 – The engine failure three-quarters of the way through the race prevents him from being insufficiency. At the start he almost makes a big deal with Glock, then he follows Petrov but is unable to keep up with him, at the same time losing ground to his teammate. Then, as already mentioned, the engine failure that stops him in the pits. You know what, he must have thought, I'll just let it go, anyway... how can I blame him? He gets a passing grade, stretched out, only because he is a rookie and - we confess - because he is part of the small group of those drivers who we particularly like and for whom, at times, we get an extra half mark. Regardless. Also because, at Mugello, the writer saw him wandering around the paddock with a frightened look, and after exchanging a few words with us he realized that he was dealing with an intimidated and terribly excited boy. A great handle that, on this occasion, made us tender. Forgive us, even report card writers have a heart. Jovial.

Manuel Codignoni
www.f1grandprix.it