Report cards of the Indian Grand Prix

No hostages or prisoners. Even in India, Sebastian Vettel has no mercy and annihilates the competition with an entirely solitary race. Behind him, Alonso limited the damage by snatching second place from Webber, held back by the Kers. The two McLarens are out of the fight for the title, while Räikkönen is also almost out. Enjoy the reading!!!

Sebastian Vettel: 9,5st – Guess riddle. What do you think is the reason why we deny him full marks? 1] For the smear tested during Q3. 2] For setting the fastest lap on the last lap, a sign of immaturity in a race he had already won. 3] For having let him get fooled first by Alonso - who, on the contrary, accomplished a great feat by achieving it by putting pressure on Red Bull despite being almost 10 seconds behind with 5 km or so to go - and then by JB. 4] For having won a race with the Kers functioning, so everyone is good. 5] For not having also given away fireworks in addition to the sparks of the final laps of the race. Forgive the sarcasm, which is not meant to be either cheering or factionalism or partisanship but pure, simple and crystalline sarcasm. It's hard to comment on the race of someone who takes pole, runs away at the start and you don't see him again until under the checkered flag. Thanks to Newey? Safe. But if the writer gets into a Red Bull he doesn't win the races. So until proven otherwise credit where credit is due. When things go well he is almost unstoppable, a bit like the first Ronaldo. If he turns and runs away from you, said a defender, the only way is to shoot him. Who knows if they plan to get a rifle in Maranello. Fugitive. [ps. I'm waiting for your answer, whoever guesses correctly wins a half liter can of Red Bull].

Mark Webber: 7,5 – Honestly, could he really have won the race? We're serious, aren't we. For a million reasons. Which is why second place would have been a top result, for him and for the team. Unless we expect a performance like that of Michael Schumacher in Malaysia in '99, when upon returning from injury he demonstrated an embarrassing superiority over everyone else, only to then give way to teammate Irvine fighting for the world championship. This was not asked of him and perhaps it was not even worth demanding it. He plays a very honest game until Kers, urged by Alonso's pressure - this one later - doesn't say goodbye to him and makes it effectively impossible for him to resist the Spaniard's return. One day someone will explain to us why only his, Red Bull's, always breaks. A question of blunt aaaali, who knows. However, he is very good at keeping Hamilton behind and maintaining the podium. So he pats me on the back and off I go. Maybe he will win in Brazil again this year. Try to think why. InKERSated.

Jenson Button: 7nd – What do you want to tell him? His season objectively has little to say at this point. The ranking condemns him, the car runs on alternating current - the alternator failures have nothing to do with it, perhaps it's the only thing that hasn't broken on the McLaren this year - and he doesn't even have to compete for reconfirmation. It's just a matter of getting by, basically. He makes an excellent start, then gives in first to Alonso then to his teammate - due to excessive wear on the tires - and then trots to the finish line, giving himself the fastest lap on the last lap. Evidently the Woking car runs better with empty tanks. But anyway that's fine. Also seen what his talented but clumsy future teammate is up to. He finishes fifth and says that he only saves the first and last laps of his race. Still better than nothing, right? Phlegmatic.

Lewis Hamilton: 8,5 – You hear him talk at the end of the race and you laugh when you think about what his season was. That is, already during the reconnaissance lap the radio begins to work intermittently on him. Then it's the gearbox that's acting up, the gears go in and out. So much so that at the pit stop they even decide to change the steering wheel. Last frontier in the search for reliability: if you can't build components that don't break, at least make them easy to assemble/disassemble. Brilliant. And in all of this he says he had fun like crazy and that it had been a long time since he was able to push like that for the whole race. Even someone new to F1 faced with these circumstances would wonder what kind of season he's had so far. And rightly so, by the way. Summing up and leaving aside these ramblings, his race is more than positive, given the circumstances. He gets the most out of a car that from a certain point in the season onwards stopped going really fast. Half a vote less for the blunder on the penultimate lap which denies him the possibility of attacking Webber, who is in crisis with the Kers. But still good. Wrestler.

Fernando Alonso: 9th – He tries them all, on and off the track. First he grooms the team, with an outburst similar to Councilor Cangini along the lines of "Facts, not sluts!!!". Then he takes it out -metaphorically- with Vettel, shouting from the rooftops that his real opponent is Newey and not the German. So, in the race, he tries the move Fist of the Warrior, that of "I touched your pressure point, in twenty laps your car will explode", amidst the thunderous applause of the paying public made up of the engineer Andrea Stella who sings compliments over the radio which also make you smile a little for the their naivety. The move succeeds, unfortunately, he misses the target and the less valuable Kers, that of Webber, gives in, which still gives him a position. All good, then, or almost. We throw ourselves there almost because, although the performance is excellent, some cracks in his granitic determination are starting to appear. You see it for example when in qualifying without a mistake Massa could have stayed ahead of him. Here, precisely this reduction in the difference in performance - the Delta, according to the impeccable engineer Bruno, a definition that brings back into circulation the knowledge of Physics from his high school days - is perhaps the thermometer of a pinch of fogging which, for goodness sake, could also stay there, but that doesn't bode well. Only hypotheses, of course, the result of a cheap and couch analysis. Who knows. Still gets the most. Urgent.

Felipe Massa: 7 – We liked it again. Especially in practice, when he risks even getting behind the team leader. Then in the race he does what he can, he loses ground to the McLarens but he does well to keep Räikkönen's Lotus behind for the entire race. That he had something more, not enough to pass him but enough to put him under pressure. At a certain point, upon exiting the pits, the Finn even passes him, but Felipe is very good at taking back the stolen goods - also thanks to the DRS - in no time at all. He's not a phenomenon but he runs well, he takes home the win, which - as with Webber - is what is expected of him at this stage of the Championship. You can't ask him for miracles. The secret, as Daniele Silvestri sang, is knowing how to be satisfied. And we, given the growth of recent months, are happy to do so. Tonic.

Michael Schumacher: sv – A torment, poor him. By the law of retaliation, after having hit Vergne this time it's his turn to be hit from behind by the Frenchman, who - evidently raised on bread and UFO Robots - takes out the space halberd and the rotating blades and mercilessly tears the Kraut's back, placing de facto end to his race. As usual, he was commendable, after the stop he set better times than Rosberg, then with five laps to go he retired due to an unspecified technical problem. Maybe it was time to do it twenty laps earlier. For once, contrary to our principles, we avoid giving him a vote, because in fact he has practically not run in India. Over the years he has had lucky moments at Ferrari, it takes those as well as talent to win what he has won. But he certainly paid for them all in these three years at Mercedes. Especially in the latter, the one in which paradoxically he went the strongest. It's a shame it's ending like this. He pats you on the back, old warrior. Clear conscience and big heart. -3.

Nico Rosberg: 5th – His race, his second part of the season, doesn't make a damn bit of sense. All in all it is almost better to be thrown out in the first few meters of the race, as happened in the last two events, rather than finish the race in these conditions. He misses Q3, starts with new tires but the car has neither pace, nor speed, nor consistency. Totally unacceptable that a top team - as the German team would like to be - in three years is unable to come up with a decent car, is unable to straighten it during construction and, in the fourth to last race of the season, ends up - without technical problems - out from points more than a minute and twenty minutes behind the winner. Unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE. We also include Nico in the cauldron, who laps slower than grandfather Schumacher in the race despite being technically in contention for a place in the points. The old pilots spoke of fire in the ass, to describe the desire to do well. All we needed was a signal, even a small one. Nothing. What the hell happened to Nico's fire? Everything was wrong, everything needs to be redone, Ginettaccio Bartali would say. It makes you want to slap them all. Poor Lewis. Sitting.

Kimi Räikkönen: 7th – Do we bet that the 2013 Lotus will have the same diffuser and exhausts as this year's Ferrari? It seems that they were designed, in great secrecy, by a young Finnish engineer with light eyes, a perpetually bored look and a breath heavy on vodka. It also seems that this technician once enjoyed riding in a car, and that he drove particularly fast. Especially with open wheels, but also in rallies, where when he wasn't wearing the car as a hat he entertained those who went to see him. Then one day, after once again he found himself with a car that was incapable of overtaking even with the DRS, it seems he got out and muttered «If you can't give me a car that goes decently on a straight line, I'll think about it. I". You also recognize certain talents from this, from the calmness with which they propose solutions that are as ingenious as they are unexpected. Whether copying from Ferrari is a good idea remains to be demonstrated. Especially if it's Massa's. But the important thing is the basic idea. Who knows if at least in Abu Dhabi they will give him a few degrees less wing on the rear. We don't think he would handle another race entirely in the slipstream. Designer.

Romain Grosjean: 6,5th – He stays out of trouble at the start, and that's already good news. It doesn't cause any damage even afterwards, and this is also an element that we like instead. He performs a nice overtaking on Maldonado - taking Senna along too, however - he passes Rosberg in tire crisis - who knows why - and is the author of a heroic resistance to Button before the break. He finishes ninth, in points, about ten seconds behind his more famous teammate. All this to say that there can be enough, comfortably. He doesn't take unnecessary risks, but it's understandable, normal and in some ways desirable. He is playing for reconfirmation, it seems he managed to save his job but you never know. He's fast, the team knows it, and they don't have to prove it. On the contrary, he must show that he knows how to get by without playing bumper cars. From this perspective he does the race he MUST do, nothing more and nothing less. And then continue like this. Prudent.

Paul di Resta: 5 – He hasn't been himself for a few races. Even in his team's home run he appears opaque, overall less effective than his teammate. Does Hülkenberg's speed suffer? He may be. What is certain is that if you arrive behind the neighbor in the garage and start justifying yourself by making excuses that cannot be more generic, such as the balance of the car or the overall grip, we will have some doubts. After a good start to the championship he is now struggling, and Sunday's performance is a reflection of his current condition. We wouldn't want him to have staked everything on a chance at Mercedes, only to find himself closed down by the arrival of Hamilton. Who knows, only he could tell us. What is certain is that he needs to wake up, because the other Nico, Hülkenberg, is also running away in the standings and is also taking home points in India, unlike his lackluster twelfth place. Evanescent.

Nico Hulkenberg: 7,5 – The blond boy has taken a liking to it and produces another good performance, tough and convincing. Excellent at the start, he gets rid of Perez, Rosberg and Maldonado by climbing into the points and never giving up. In the last stint Grosjean comes to press him, but probably - also given what we wrote about the Frenchman - both knew that the most logical result would have been the one that actually occurred, i.e. Nico eighth in the home race, Romain ninth and all happy. The growth in this part of the season is impressive. Probably in the man-machine combination at this moment it is he who is superior, and not vice versa. He has overtaken Resta in the standings, and is gaining the trust of the team's men with excellent races. Good boy.

Kamui Kobayashi: 5,5 - We are not. Beyond the fact that it is difficult to assign responsibility in the accident with Maldonado, it must be reiterated that too many times this year he and his teammate have thrown away precious points by being involved in stupid and probably avoidable accidents. And by the way, Kamui's race pace in India was far from exciting. So much so that he was fucked by Pérez. He says he suffered from too much traffic, and it's partly true, but it's a justification that doesn't hold up completely. He's probably nervous, to get the 2013 reconfirmation from Miss Kaltenborn he needs money that he doesn't have, he's desperately looking for sponsors and he might have his mind somewhere else. He's there, but it doesn't save him from insufficiency. Poor.

Sergio Perez: 5 - Czech he has no problems with reconfirmation, he even earned a seat in a top team, and yet he continues to cause damage. He drives too hard, he who is generally a master at managing covers, and devours the first set of tires in just 14 laps. He returns to the track with a great desire to overdo it, he takes out Kobayashi as if he were standing still but then due to a trivial error in judgment he collides with Ricciardo, puncturing the right rear tyre. He returns to the pits, tries to restart the race but has to stop and say goodbye to the company after just twenty laps. It's a shame, because in terms of speed he was doing well and could have even grabbed a small spot. But the races last until the checkered flag, and the spiral of impetuosity and precipitation into which he has slipped for a few races now is frankly worrying. Above all because he will soon enter a world where certain errors will be tolerated even less. He needs an ice-cold shower. Agitated.

Daniel Ricciardo: 6rd – He is framed only during the contact with Pérez, when he takes on the role of Jack the Ripper and, equipped with a front wing, mercilessly pierces the right rear of the Sauber. Oh God, in reality maybe it's more Sergio who goes after him than the other way around, but whatever. Little else to report, other than a slow start which made him end up behind Resta and condemned him to chase, as if a Toro Rosso that was anything but on the ball wasn't enough. It's difficult to work miracles, but it's legitimate to expect a regular and error-free race. Which arrives, punctually. So, for once, let's be generous and give him a nice full pass on his trust. He says things could be different in Abu Dhabi. We hope so, but we continue to think that the biggest problems in Faenza do not come from the drivers' side. Ask Buemi and Alguersuari for confirmation. Regular.

Jean-Éric Vergne: 6 – Whoever dies from a collision is injured from a collision. There is nothing better than responding to the push Michael Schumacher suffered in Singapore with a touch that punctured the German's tire and sent both to the pits. Classic accident that was more the fault of the circumstance than of one of the pilots involved. He tries to come back from the bottom but admits, very honestly, that the car wasn't even worth pushing. Faced with such honesty, who are we to judge the young transalpine? Nobody. Which is why - and also by virtue of the fact that, despite coming back from the bottom, he reaches at least fifteenth - we also award him a pass. Let's not forget that we are always talking about a deb, behind the wheel of a car that is not exactly top-notch, and who therefore has every right to get lost every now and then. Ungenerous persistence, by golly. [Tire] Cutter.

Pastor Maldonado: 5 – Pastor could really write a book about stupid accidents. Like “My Prisons”, something like “My Shit”. The Williams went, kept a good pace and also visually appeared balanced and precise. But it was clear that it wasn't the best day for the Venezuelan when, after a few laps, he had to give in to the double attack of Grosjean and Senna. There, however, the problem was with the tyres. After the stop, however, he goes like a train, reaches Kobayashi, strips him of paint, misjudges the difference in speed, comes back too soon and pinches Kamui's wing, puncturing the right rear. It is well known that these ailerons are stupidly too wide and sharp. But for this very reason, by Christ's sake, be a little careful! He throws precious points down the toilet and has to settle for sixteenth place, far behind. Good is good, but the propensity to make mistakes is worrying. Clumsy

Bruno Senna: 7,5 – Perhaps exaggerated, as a vote, but motivated by the young Brazilian's all-attacking game. Who shows that he has the attributes and launches himself into melee duels throughout the race, supported by a car that he finally - by his own admission - can feel. There confidence, as the English call it, is a fundamental component for a pilot. There are the instinctive ones, like a Mansell, an Alesi, an Ayrton, capable of going fast with everything, even with the wrong car. And there are analytical people, like Prost, for example, who need a good means to get the most out of it and go like the wind. Pastor probably belongs to the first category, Bruno to the second. A limit? Perhaps, if you drive second-rate cars. But exceptions like the Indian race do justice to a driver who is too often mistreated in an ungenerous manner. The overtaking of Maldonado in the wake of Grosjean was nice, the duels with Rosberg and Kobayashi were nice, the tenth place finish was positive. Excessive rating, as we said at the beginning. But that's okay, come on. Good boy.

Heikki Kovalainen: 7 – Judging Caterham drivers' races is boring for us too. Imagine what it means for them to drive according to the same script all year round. Six ALWAYS faster than whoever is behind you and at the same time ALWAYS slower than the person in front of you. What a bore, what a bore, what a bore, to put it in Vianello/Mondaini's words. As usual, it is the fastest of the three low-cost teams, preceding Petrov until Alonso's anathema, in addition to Webber's, also takes out Kers's. At that point Vitalij gets under him and passes him, preceding him to the finish line. Ordinary administration, therefore, as in all of 2012. And do you know what the funniest thing is? If the championship ended today Caterham would be overtaken in the standings by Marussia. Crazy stuff, right? Crazy.

Vitaly Petrov: 7 – Do you know what was written for Heikki? Well, replicate it. Kovalainen is not valid, except in certain conditions, for example in the rain. But he has learned to stay close to him, and all things considered, it's not a bad prospect at all. If then, as in India, some unexpected event occurs, Comrade Petrov is able to insert himself with merit and take on the role of leader of the chasing group. At the end of the race he exudes enthusiasm from every pore, he thanks anyone from the team who comes within his reach, and he has good reason for it, because he ran well and without making any mistakes or creating problems during lapping. All in all he deserves another year in F1. Who knows, after two years of purgatory, what he could do if he put himself in a car that was a tad faster. Yours truly would be curious. Growing.

Pedro de la Rosa: 6 – The absurd thing about the slowest car in the world championship is that it doesn't even brake. And to think that, being so slow, it wouldn't need anything to stop. And yet, and yet. Pedro does what he can, he also laps with dignity, then the discs heat up more and more until he ends up off the road, forcing him to retire two thirds of the way through the race. Little else to add, except that - given the effort he puts in - he deserved better luck. As always, after all. Unrestrained.

Narain Karthikeyan: 6,5 – On lap number three, listen, listen, they ask him to cool the brakes. After fifteen km. Crazy stuff. Yet, believe it or not, the Indian also managed to finish the race, even though we were far behind and with a pace that was far from exhilarating. But anyway what do you want to do, the car already goes slowly and is balanced like a drunk on a suspended rope, if you also remove the brakes you're fine. Unless that's exactly the problem. Is it possible that the two left the handbrake on? This would explain the slowness and overheating of the disks. It's almost time to tell him. Once this problem is resolved, they could even win in Abu Dhabi. [The mystery] revealed.

Timo Glock: 5 – The man who could, at the end of the season, be Marussia's hero for having allowed them to -temporarily- overtake Caterham, in India is the author of a difficult and anonymous race. At the start he chooses the wrong hole and ends up behind the HRTs. Then he gets lost in traffic and finally takes a gigantic payday from Pic, who is well ahead of him at the finish line. According to him, the car got worse over the weekend, excellent on Friday and slow in the race. Bah. The German has certainly had several bad races this year, his season was far from flawless, especially when compared to that of his young team mate. Saved, however, by the result in Singapore, which is worth a Championship. But we can't give him enough this time. Dull

Charles Pic: 7,5 – Here it is, the Pic we like, is finally back. Smart, quick to learn, elegant in style, fast and determined. On Saturday afternoon he was furious at not having been able to get the most out of Marussia, but in the race he makes up for it with interests. At the start he gains five positions, fights with the Caterhams and maintains an unmatchable pace for Glock, outclassing him. In the end he will be nineteenth, well ahead of Timo, faster than him by almost half a second even on the fastest lap. And he says that without blue flags he could even think of grabbing Kovalainen. Good very good. In our opinion the best surprise of this world championship and it's not the first time we've told you about it. Hats off. Excellent.

Manuel Codignoni
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