The 10 Pillars of the 2011 Brazilian GP

From the land of Kangaroos, to the Homeland of Samba.
After 19 races, the 1 F2011 Championship comes to an end.

The Webber kangaroo, who hoped to win at home, took 8 months to score his first and last 25 points of the season, without any doubts about the existence of gearbox problems for the most snubbed Bi-Champion in History, aka Sebastian Vettel.

Cover image dedicated to the true protagonist of the Weekend. Present on helmets, in memories and on everyone's lips. After 17 years. Let's talk about it, if these aren't myths...

But let's start with the last pills:

1 – The Rain
Forecast, Weather, Rain Dances. We are in 2011, we also have computerized toilets, and there is not a weather service among those available that says clearly “No water today”. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, intensity 1, 2, and in the end we are all mocked by four clouds. Poor us, Poor Maylander.

2 – Red Bull
Without having clear and certifying evidence of the lie regarding the history of the exchange rate problem, the management of the Baby-Canguro affair is criticized a priori. Affair, if fake, unpleasant but still legal, unlike a much more famous but also more humiliating one for those who paid the price. In all of this, there is one thing to say: by hook or by crook, Red Bull does what it wants. As? Is a company that produces cans and wins 4 World Championships in two years an insult to those who have been racing in F1 for decades? Possible, but the opposite is also true: it's absurd that those who have been racing for decades see themselves being cheated by those who have been doing it for 6 years. Work, gentlemen.

3 – Sebastian Vettel
Before the start of the race, Horner hands him a piece of paper: it is not the telemetry, but the list of valid excuses that makes him understand when he should give up:
“Sebastian, we have a gearbox problem”
“Sebastian, we have a SERIOUS gearbox problem”
Luckily it wasn't necessary to hear the third one: “Sebastian, Mark is faster than you. Did you understand the message?”.

4 – Fernando Alonso
The greatness of Nando, skilled in overtaking Luigino at the start and the ex-Paracarro with a film archive maneuver on the outside (among the three best of the year) and in the face of the DRS, becomes even more palpable when he simultaneously occupies both the car no. 5 and no. 6. According to the commentary, in fact, today only one driver raced in both single-seaters.

5 – Michael Schumacher
For the series “miracles exist”, thinks that the only way to get a good result is to repeat the already seen final of the 2006 World Championship. He gets the same tire punctured by Bruno in the same corner, returns to the pits after one lap, and starts again last. Then Alzheimer's reminds him that the year is 2011 and the car is a Mercedes, he falls into depression and the rest is boredom. Last statement of the year: “Kazzen I kretere in skaramancy, I thought I buko komma and then give everyone a ride but everyone give a ride to me kon pernakkien”.

6 – Felipe Massa
The helmet worn for the 100 GP with Ferrari and 10 years in F1 contains version 2.0 of the device “KO Wireless”. The final blow is dealt, needless to say, to Luigino Hamilton who ends his race with the gearbox in mush. We talk about Vettel's one the whole race, and he breaks it. Will he be osmosis? The KO Wireless works, but let's hope it weighed 150kg given the 30 seconds accumulated by team leader Nando.

7 – Mark Webber
For the Kangaroo a victory arrives after a season of worries, revolting departures, etc. Of network “oh well, it was Sabotaged, plotted”. Oh no, the Mark has even improved. Because you won't believe it, but the Australian scored 16 points more than last year. 258 versus 242. What does this mean? 1) That the conspiracy theories are all nonsense. 2) That among the three top teams only Mclaren drivers race without first and second drivers. 3) you choose.

8 – Jenson Button
Speaking of improvements, the EP (Ex Paracarro) has a +56 to his credit over 2010. They didn't give him a cent, and he repaid his detractors with shovels in the teeth, finishing second in the World Championship, even if by a long distance by the reigning Champion. The 2011 games come to an end, and another difficult moment arrives for the detractors. There is one of Jessica, and he has it.

9 – Timo Glock
Backstory: Felipe had to calibrate the “KO Wireless” to be sure of eliminating Luigino, and who better to use as a guinea pig for the test than the person who contributed to ruining the 2008 World Cup for him? No sooner said than done, wheel blown and farewell to the race for the German, who remains on three wheels at the exit of the pits. Shortly afterwards it would be Lewis' turn too.

10 – Bruno Senna
Cornuto and Mazziato: after the initial touch with the Kaiser, in succession: he gets a DT (predictable and absurd like 80% of those assigned in 2011), the substitution goes to women, the winger loses his pieces. He just needed to finish behind the Russian to complete the job. As? Did this happen too? Ouch..

Out of Competition – Bernd Maylander
Here we are really at Mobbing. A whole week of forecasts of pouring rain at any time, and right at the race you can't even smell it. Bernd, after an affront of this magnitude, is considering retirement. Who knows if we'll see him again at the start next year.

Special Mentions

“With Telemetry you can find problems, with Telepathy they can be solved”
Phrase of the year referring to the elusive German gearbox problem. Stuff to remember for years to come. Our commentary was at its best today too. The legendary 'Grande Mazzoni' was heard live during the Qualifying. We are in self-praise.

Barrichello as a child
Really, we would prefer Rubens to retire so as not to have to hear, every year, the same old story of the Brazilian who played on the fringes of the circuit as a child. Then in these parts we talk about little inventiveness, but hearing the same things every season isn't much better.

The accident between A and B is under investigation
ENOUGH! We can't stand this story anymore. It is sincerely hoped that from 2012 sanctions will be imposed for serious issues and no longer for normal racing incidents. This year every possible limit of decency has been exceeded. If you try to overtake it means “Either it works, or it's a DT” How many will risk it if this is the story?!

See you in Melbourne 2012. With pills? Maybe yes maybe no! The winter will serve to take stock in our area too.

PS: The author swears and perjures himself that he has not stolen any girlfriend.

Wait and see.

Alessandro Secchi
F1Grandprix.it