Report cards of the Indian Grand Prix

India, land of Indian saints, Indian poets and Indian navigators. So she recited an old song by Elio e le Storie Tese. Leaving aside poets and navigators, the Indian saint proves himself to be Sebastian Vettel, who on a new track achieves the Grand Chelem, taking home pole, victory and fastest lap without ever abandoning first place. Chapeau. Behind him, Button consolidates second place in the world championship, while Hamilton and Massa continue their personal feud with the sound of doorbells. Enjoy the reading!

Sebastian Vettel: 10st – If you are tired of seeing the tens on the report card of the Red Bull German, imagine how tired we are of giving them to him. But - joking aside - there is little that can be done. When someone arrives at a track you've never seen before, sets you on pole, sprints peremptorily at the start and greets the company only to find them again after the finish line, even taking away the whim of doing the fastest lap on the last lap... well, what can you do? Do? Sanctifying him seems too much - and sorry for the contradiction -, bringing him to triumph would be superfluous - he already has the aaaals - so we limit ourselves to giving him the highest marks. On the eve of the race he had said that he would help Webber collect points for second place in the world championship. Here you are. If he had succeeded he would have also deserved the praise. But that's it. Winged.

Mark Webber: 4,5 – We defended him with all our might. Sometimes even against logic. Because we like him, because all in all he's a nice guy, because we think he's a pretty good guy. The extra half dot has sometimes escaped, you will have noticed. But not today. Not today because there is not one and only one reason to defend him after a fourth place like this. He started from the front row, with the best car of the lot, but was fooled at the start by Button and in the pits by Alonso. Who don't drive HRTs, of course, but not even Red Bulls. Speaking of HRT, at a certain point he was also unlucky when he faced a completely confused Karthikeyan who made him lose contact with Alonso. But he makes the mistakes at Turn 1 in complete solitude. The second fastest lap shows that the car was there. The fourth place finish mercilessly demonstrates that HE wasn't there. This time the half point is less. We don't think he's stoned. But he's definitely not okay. Convoluted.

Lewis Hamilton: 5 – We're at the joke, but we no longer know whether to laugh or cry. We could tell you about the penalty he received during free practice - and already this... -, we could tell you about the epic feats of the start, in which he lost the position from Massa - don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh -, we could bore you with his comeback - overtaking in Alguersuari and nothing more - and we could invent many other narrative ideas. But that would be a mistake. Because yet another accident with Massa wins over everything and against everything. We won't be here to discuss the rights and wrongs. In a contact like this one and the other do not exist, touched like this they will always be there. But, damn it, it can't be a coincidence that the two always end up in fights. Also because the one who loses is invariably the result. And to say that the effigy of Bob Marley on the helmet, complete with the “One Love” logo, made us imagine him interested in another kind of close contact. Who knows what Freud would say about this. So fail with honors and go home. We avoid him the four for two reasons. The first for the gesture he makes with his hand immediately after the touch, as if to say "oh well, it went like that this time too". The second because he gives Rowan Atkinson, alias Mister Bean, guest McLaren, an anthology grimace. This is also show. Gianni.

Jenson Button: 9,5nd – The good thing - or the bad thing, take your pick - about this championship is that for three months now it has lived on crystallized stereotypes. Each pilot seems to play an assigned part. There's the showman, there's his older brother who tries to keep up with him but can't keep up and causes trouble. There is the braggart, who has everything to rival the showman but all he does is find excuses to get into fights with the village idiot. Who is the one who always complains because his older brother is given more opportunities. And then, finally, there is the wise uncle, who quietly goes about his business and always reaps more than he sows. And that even in this case, he takes home a second place which is pure gold. He starts well, immediately passes Webber and doesn't move out of second place. He can't catch Vettel, to be honest he doesn't even try that hard, but he takes home 20 points which consolidate his second place in the world championship and cause yet another fit of bile in his teammate. What to say. You know what you're doing, JB. Wise.

Fernando Alonso: 8,5th – There is little that can be done. To win, in addition to having the best performing car or thereabouts, you have to be ruthless, lethal, surgical. And perfect. Fernando, alas, in India he is not and the chances of being able to at least fight for second place are at stake. To be honest, he doesn't start off badly either, in fact he gets off to a strong start. But at the first corner, for this very reason he gets carried away, runs wide and is passed by that JB who for a few months now has been giving lessons in logic and reasoning as if he were Descartes. His skill lies in keeping Webber's pace, a component that will prove fundamental for the subsequent overtaking completed in the pits. And he is also good at resisting the pressure - to be honest, not very credible - from the Australian, who tries several times to get under him without success. The podium is deserved. And dutiful. In the sense that, apparently, in this final season of the three top teams it's up to only one driver to pull the cart. And in Ferrari the chosen one - by whom??? - is the Asturian himself. Dragger (of wheelbarrows).

Felipe Massa: 5 -And they lived happily ever after. After beating themselves out of the paddock and leaving the circuit. Here's what the most reassuring scenario would be at the moment. Because there is very little that is reassuring. It would be interesting to swap one of the two's helmets with that of their teammate and see what happens. What was said for Lewis also applies here: we refrain from assigning responsibility in a contact that could occur during the race. And let's add that Felipe wasn't even racing badly before the crash. But then the patatrac. He says an old proverb: whoever has more common sense uses it. Evidently neither of the two shines with this quality. Due to the crash he gets a drive through bizarre to say the least, then he makes a couple of off-track digressions, suffers problems while climbing and crashes his second suspension of the weekend on the same absurd piece of concrete disguised as a curb. When one has aim he has aim, undoubtedly. According to Domenicali, everything can be traced back to the accident with Hamilton. Maybe, just maybe, it's a little too much. Pinotto.

Michael Schumacher: 8,5 – He who laughs last laughs best. Even today we rely on proverbs, the lifeline of the uninspired report card writer. The one who laughs last laughs at the start, where Michael wisely spares the Kers by sacrificing the initial sprint in favor of power on the opposite straight. Result? Five positions recovered. The one who laughs last laughs well in the race, where thanks to an optimal strategy - he is phenomenal in preserving the tires - and at a caterpillar pace he recovers ground and even overtakes his teammate. And he who laughs last in the championship laughs well: the Kraut's chase over the Finno-German is now almost complete: 70 points against 75. This time we take our credit by remembering that we told you: at 42 he can only improve, we wrote, and so it's actually going. The fifth place achieved in India, on an unknown circuit, shows that both the foot and the motivation are still there. About the determination... well, frankly there was no doubt about it. Who knows what will happen next year. Chapeau.

Nico Rosberg: 7th – He who laughs last laughs best, we wrote above. The downside is that those who laugh along the way end up with a long face in the end. His sixth place is not to be thrown away, mind you. Points that are always good. But he is a bit out of place when faced with the recovery of his teammate, whom Nico soundly beats in qualifying but who is capable of re-emerging in the race with consummate magician's skill. The Kraut is there, and it shows too. Nico, on the other hand, complains about a pit stop that was a little too long and about a strategy that he says was penalizing. What is certain is that if he had known how to manage the tires like his teammate, who stopped several laps after him, perhaps he would have stayed ahead of him. It's the details that make the difference, alas. So lower your head and accept the result. And we'll pretend we didn't hear him say "I can't wait to come back here next year." Pinocchio.

Bruno Senna: 5,5 – The team chooses a very particular strategy for him, which involves a very late pit stop to fit the hard tyres, which on paper are more penalising, only at the end of the race and for two laps. Many had thought about it on the eve of the race, but very few actually did it. There must be a reason, obviously. The result is that, excellent start aside, he finds himself acting as a curbstone on the track in the first part of the race - moreover without Kers - and that everything gained with the soft tires is lost with interest with the last stop. The twelfth place finish tells more about his race than anything else. It is difficult to understand where the responsibilities of the car, those of the wall and those of the driver end. They should probably be split in half. What shines through, however, is the climate of technical confusion that reigns in the team. And with these conditions it is impossible to give a passing grade, even to the pilot. Delayed (in parking).

Vitaly Petrov: 5,5 – He, on the other hand, doesn't even get the start right, finding himself thirteenth. But he had hard tires and, unlike his teammate, they made him stop immediately to take them off and do the whole race on the softs. When it comes to differentiating strategies... Vitaly puts his best foot forward by making a mistake at the belay and losing further ground. The result is that he immediately falls to the rear and is forced into a comeback race. Which he manages halfway, or maybe even less. He finds himself behind Perez and remains there practically until the end of the race, also giving himself a blunder that could have had much worse consequences. Ask Massa for confirmation. He finishes eleventh, on the edge of the points zone. All in all it wouldn't even be that bad. We are left with the doubt that with a more orthodox strategy perhaps he could have achieved something more. But the discussion about the technical confusion made for his teammate is valid. So same vote. Early (in the break).

Rubens Barrichello: 4,5 – There are years in which everything goes wrong, or almost everything goes wrong. We wrote it a few GPs ago specifically about grandfather Rubens. But in these years it must also be said that if everything goes wrong it is also the driver who puts his own spin on it. Specifically by crashing into another car at the start and smashing your front wing before the race has even really started. When it comes to experience... he finds himself at the bottom of the standings and what's more they also change his strategy by moving it to a single stop. The result speaks for itself: fifteenth, two laps behind, also behind Kovalainen's Lotus. «It's a shame - he says at the end of the race - because our times were good and the tire degradation was ok. We could have done better." Who knows why he found himself so far behind. The impression is that he gave up in his head, given the low value of the car and the far from idyllic climate in the team. But in doing so it will be difficult to find a steering wheel for 2012, at his age. Retiring.

Pastor Maldonado: sv – All in all he starts off well, we see him toned and aggressive in the very early stages of the race - even in the back-up positions - then after just sixteen laps the gearbox no longer changes and the car, logically, stops. Sin? Mmmmm, not much, I guess. However, he certainly makes a better impression this way, leaving the scene with a Saturday atmosphere in the Leopardian Village. Sunday (the race), as we know, is always a great rip-off, and leaving immediately denotes intelligence and acumen. Literate.

Adrian Sutil: 7 – Corporate like few others, he gives the team a ninth place in the home race which is perhaps more than the maximum that could be achieved. With great honesty he explains that without Buemi's retirement he would not have obtained this position, but that ultimately -sic!- there is something to be satisfied with even this way. The first stint is difficult, he struggles with understeer and is unable to resist the advance of the Toro Rossos - put that way it seems like the chronicle of a war in South America - losing two positions. As the laps go by - and as the tires on the asphalt increase, we add - the behavior of his Force India improves, the times drop, and the logical final result is a good placing in the points. Who knows if this home performance will earn reconfirmation. What is certain is that timing is a rare skill, and looking good right at dad Vijay's house will also bring him something in return. Ruffian.

Paul di Resta: 5,5 – Here's another one of those who immediately returns to the pits to get rid of the hard tires, even if they were carriers of bubonic plague, leprosy, Ebola, bird flu and shingles. At the same time. He candidly admits that the team was banking everything on a safety car that never arrived. And that - we add - they had taken into account that the strategic gamble might not pay off. The speeches made for Petrov therefore apply. D'Ambrosio and Karthikeyan pass - pure adrenaline -, gives us a nice duel with Perez, is overtaken by the Mexican and Petrov at the second stop. And in the end he finished thirteenth, also behind Senna's Renault. Not much, as a dish, regardless of the more or less risky strategic choices. All this while his teammate shines in his home race. There's no denying it, he still has a lot to learn about how to move within the team. Given the sympathy and esteem we feel towards him, we offer him an internship in Alain Prost's country estate. Naive.

Kamui Kobayashi: sv – Bad luck is bad luck. At the start they attack him, sending him against Glock, and immediately afterwards menacing tongues of fire mixed with disturbing black smoke rise from his Sauber. The wrath of the gods that falls on the samurai of Amagasaki. He gets out of the car and retreats before the situation escalates further. Who knows what he might have done that was so terrifying. Punished.

Sergio Perez: 7 – He who laughs last laughs best, we repeat for the third time. This doesn't mean that ignoring yellow flags and getting a three-place grid penalty is acceptable just because, in fact, the calculations are done in the end. If we were Peter Sauber, we would have even given him a corrective slap. But the Mexican makes up for the mistake with a game with a knife between his teeth. Hunting for a hypothetical safety car, the garage makes him stop practically immediately after the start with the hard tyres. Like his other colleagues. But he is the only one who benefits from it. He gets rid of the slower cars in a flash, finds himself behind Resta and tries in every way to pass him, without success. He only managed to do so in the pits, and from there he began to make up significant ground until he was almost close to Sutil. And thanks to Buemi's retirement he also takes home a few points. Not bad, come on, not bad. Who knows what he would have done with a normal strategy. However, he proves, once again, to be one of the most interesting innovations of 2011. And when he stops making stupid mistakes... Distracted.

Sebastien Buemi: 7 – He qualified well but didn't find the right hole at the start and found himself in twelfth position. A little bad. The Toro Rosso is a pleasure to ride and he enjoys dueling and overtaking people like Senna and Sutil. Not bad. He runs arm in arm with his teammate until his car stops. And then his neuron blows: he screams, curses, despairs. We had never seen him so angry. With good reason, moreover: in times of negotiations for contract renewals, easy points are thrown away. But when, in his Inspector Clouseau voice, he declares (verbatim) "We don't know what's broken, we have to investigate everything"... well, with all the love we wish for him, a laugh escaped us. May Sebastien forgive us. In any case, very good. Detectives.

Jaime Alguersuari: 7 – When the car goes well everyone is capable of playing phenomena. There are those who think so. And maybe it's true too. But it's not automatic. We have proof of this when Jaime is stuck behind Senna's Renault, which also doesn't have the KERS. A voice rises from the pits, that of his engineer, who urges him to overtake with an eloquent "You can do it". Having said that, the Spaniard obeys. You did it, on the Motivational Channel. And with enthusiasm, now fired up, he even overtakes Sutil's Force India on the outside, which among other things plays at home. Not bad. Then, despite having crazy top speeds, he is unable to resist the return of Hamilton who snatches seventh position from him. But an eighth place, ahead of the Saubers and Renaults, is gold at this stage of the season. He doesn't deserve more than Buemi, but - good God - he doesn't deserve less either. And sorry for the cacophonous statement. Woke up (by the wall).

Jarno Trulli: sv – «The Bad Luck Struck Again» Bad luck has struck again. It's not the title of a latest generation disaster film, all special effects and action, but they are Jarno's first words at the end of the race. And we can't blame him. Once again. He is rear-ended while accelerating (!) by an HRT which punctures his tire and shatters the rear part of the car floor. He has to do a complete lap on three wheels - not even if he were Gilles Villeneuve - and then another 59 with an unbalanced car that totally lacks grip and traction. Impossible to judge. He is actually stoic in completing the race. And to think that he raced with a helmet in the colors of poor Simoncelli. What else can I say... try again, you'll be luckier Jarno. For whatever it's worth, remember that we love you. Jellato (if we had a penny for every time we used this adjective for him, we could buy both Lotus and Renault, merge them together and put an end to the controversy over the name of the two teams).

Heikki Kovalainen: 6,5 – At a certain point, power of strategies, he even found himself in tenth position. Points. Those who drive a Lotus also experience these ephemeral satisfactions. He starts off well, avoids the mess at the first two corners - not so obvious, ask Jarno for confirmation... - and later, thanks to the early pit stops of many drivers, he finds himself in positions that he can usually only see with a telescope. Then all fairy tales end, some pass him on the track - Petrov, for example -, others in the pits, and so on. But finishing fourteenth, also keeping a Williams behind, isn't bad at all. And complaining about being blocked by HRT during the dubbing phase... well, it's a satisfaction that we imagine is truly priceless. There are things you really can't buy, other than Mastercard. The next step is a seat in the Finnish parliament. Launched.

Daniel Ricciardo: 5rd – Eighth Grand Prix in Formula 1. By hook and by crook, taking advantage of the chaos in front, he and his teammate find themselves in 15th and 16th position on the second lap. And to say that he was also penalized on the grid for replacing the gearbox (although, to be honest, it's not like he lost out on this great placing in qualifying...). End of the positive notes. The car doesn't even push him, in the second stint he suffers a suspected puncture which forces him to stop again, and at the finish line he also finds himself behind his teammate, who is anything but a thunderbolt of war. But not even peace, for that matter. No, in India we liked it decidedly less than usual. Of course, there can also be a bad day, mind you. But he didn't seem very focused. Distracted.

Narain Karthikeyan: 4,5 – For goodness sake, anything goes. There may not be 24 phenomena on the grid. The fact is that not all the cars on the grid can be of the highest level. And it's also okay for a team to have a home driver race on a new track to create entertainment, cash and an audience. But the terror that could be seen in the eyes of many pilots every time they approached Karthikeyan's dubbing is something that should make us reflect. And to say that all in all the good Narain wouldn't even run badly, considering the percentage of negative assumptions per cubic meter that gripped his garage. Off the race pace, with an operetta car, he even manages to beat his teammate and a Lotus. But that's not good. This is not good because there must be a level below which one should not go. In terms of performance - and here we were above, ok - but also in terms of concentration and safety transmitted to colleagues. And having to cross your fingers every time you get ready to dub is not a good thing. Let's be tough, okay. But because we are in Formula 1, not Formula Ford. Distracted.

Timo Glock: sv – “On my signal unleash Hell,” someone once said. Listen to Timo: «I arrived at the first corner and I saw pieces of bodywork flying everywhere. I braked a little earlier than usual and Kobayashi literally ran over me without me being able to avoid him. I went to the pits to change the wing but there was also other damage and we couldn't continue." Someone unleashed Hell. And Timo, alas, ended up completely there. Although it must be said that completing a race with Virgin isn't all that paradise. Or not? Demonic.

Jérôme d'Ambrosio: 5,5 – Was he there too? Yes. And we remember him keeping Perez behind for half a lap. As he was lapped, however, attracting insults from the angry Mexican. Apart from this color note there is little else to report. The car, he says, wears the tires in a strange way - redo the convergence right? - And he struggles to find a decent pace. Nonetheless he manages to overtake the two HRTs at the finish line - you know what a story... - running a solitary race except during the many lappings. Basically what was expected of him, on a new track with a car that was more Circus than Circus. There is no praise, but there would be no infamy either. We deny him a passing grade only because three laps of separation at the finish line, on a track as long as the Indian one, is frankly a bit too much. Let's hope he doesn't take it too hard. Serene.

Manuel Codignoni
www.f1grandprix.it