Report cards of the Malaysian Grand Prix

Organizing a race in Malaysia during the monsoon season and then neutralizing it because it rains too much is something that this writer will never understand. So brilliant it's idiotic. Or maybe the opposite. Alright. Surprisingly, Alonso's Ferrari emerges from the Sepang gazebos, leading, equally surprisingly, Perez's Sauber and Hamilton's McLaren. Interesting race, at times chaotic, fun. Enjoy the reading!

Sebastian Vettel: 5st - And no. It's too easy to blame those who are smaller, weaker and less fortunate. Specifically with Karthikeyan. Because it is true that lately where there is the Indian - who Vettel unkindly defines as a cucumber - something always happens, but in this case the blame for the contact seems to us at least to be shared equally between the two. See Spa 2011, Hamilton-Kobayashi bang. Above all because in the touch the person who had the most to lose was Vettel himself, who therefore had the obligation to pay not one but 100 attentions to that dubbing. The mistake overshadows a tough race, with the radio stuttering - communications, as Seb himself underlines, are fundamental in races like the Malaysian one - and a car that floats in the water. Literally. Out of the points, his teammate is now ahead of him in the standings too. We're only at date #2 of the season, but who knows. Clueless.

Mark Webber: 7 – As often happens he starts going strong after half the race. The differences, compared to usual, however, are different. #1] For once, in addition to qualifying well, he also got the start right. There was a time, you won't believe it, when this happened regularly. #2] In addition to getting the start right, he also behaved discreetly in the first laps. #3] The final rush is not a sterile outburst but this time it sounds like "guys, I'm here too". He beats Vettel in qualifying, takes advantage of the Grosjean-Schumacher collision and keeps pace with the McLarens decently. At the restart, however, he struggled, he let Alonso pass him and gradually lost ground. Ground that he manages to recover when the track finally starts to dry. On slicks he goes faster than Vettel and when the latter comes into contact with Karthikeyan he climbs up to fourth place. A handful of seconds behind Hamilton. All in all, this is good, also because now he is ahead of the German in the championship too. We repeat: he seems more on the ball than last year. We'll see. Tenacious.

Jenson Button: 4,5nd – If Vettel takes it out on the cucumber, he can only complain about the unlikely dish of penne with tomato sauce he shoots during the neutralization. For goodness sake, as the good Mazzoni reminds us «Jenson is a true sportsman». But the writer - who travels a lot for work - if he gorges himself on a plate of pasta right before leaving for 300 km, he gets a beastly trap. But then come on, let's talk about it. The gazebo. Tomato pasta. A beer. A chat. Stuff from a village festival. Come on, let's be serious. Mind you, maybe it has nothing to do with it, but the contact with Karthikeyan - for which, honestly, JB takes full responsibility - is, to put it in Jacques Villeneuve's words, a giant chapel. And sorry for the French. Because in the first part of the race he runs well, at the pit stop Lewis also passes, and these are HIS conditions, HIS races. And instead from there he collapses, gives himself an additional tire change, makes some nice overtakings [from memory: Ricciardo, Massa, Petrov, Rosberg, Ricciardo again] but nothing that brings points to the farm. Fourteenth. With pasta on my stomach. And the awareness of having completely failed, for once, in a complicated race, tricky to put it in English. It happens. Greedy.

Lewis Hamilton: 7,5 – Shall we say it? I say. He turns out to be terribly unbelievable in the role of the accountant, the little ant, the -now bite our throats- supporting actor. It's not very credible, especially in such a wet, complicated and risky race. Yet that's how it went. And the facts, listen, prove him right. Even though he has a lot to complain about, because on two of the three pit stops he made he lost time. In the first to allow Massa to pass in the pit lane - when we say teamwork - and in the second because it takes them forever to remove the tape that blocks the brake air intakes. Before the neutralization he was in the lead, starting from pole. Then he struggles to keep up with the two up front and soon decides to settle for third place. Yes, yes, it's Lewis, believe it or not. And at the end of the race he doesn't even seem annoyed. Now he is second in the championship, five points behind Alonso. Singular indeed, but in the meantime he is the one who brings the loaf home - to Woking. So that's good. An accountant disguise worthy of the best 007. Unsuspecting.

Fernando Alonso: 10th – He won't have saved Domenicali's job, ok. But let's face it: he lowered by several degrees the temperature of the seat that the good Stefano occupies in Maranello. Even if there is little of Ferrari and a lot of Alonso in the humid Malaysian victory. At the start he stays out of trouble, sails by sight until the suspension, then goes wild. At the restart, Webber passes with authority, the first waltz lap - aka pit stop - projects him to the top of the standings, with the intermediates, and from there he makes a gap, maintaining a beastly pace for many laps. He thus builds a fundamental treasure trove of seconds for when, on a dry track, Perez [!] starts to get beastly under him. And in the end, driving with his head, he maintains the lead of the race - pardon the pun - until the checkered flag. A victory which, absurdly, amplifies the car's limits, but for this very reason is even more fundamental. Because scoring points in conditions of technical inferiority is fundamental from a World Cup perspective. Whether they really know how to intervene on the redhead to improve it, regardless of what certain Solons on the microphone say, remains to be demonstrated. But in Sepang Nando played his part. Triumphal.

Felipe Massa: 4 – In Australia we bothered poor Badoer from Valencia 2009. For Malaysia we go even further back in time. Do you remember Ricardo Zunino? Argentinian, son of billionaires, at the beginning of the 80s he had his glimpses of glory by teaming up with Nelson Piquet at the Brabham of a certain Bernie Ecclestone. Nelson won races with that car, Ricardo - so to speak - didn't even qualify in Monte Carlo. Even in Sepang - despite the chassis change, a last attempt to restore confidence in the rider - the Brazilian's performance seemed embarrassing. Slow, light years away from his teammate, he can only be seen at the finish line when he is about to be lapped by Alonso. The only positive thing for the team was by returning to the first pit stop, blocking Hamilton's exit and allowing his team principal to jump into the lead of the race. For the rest, deep night. So bad it's not true, we repeat. We can't go on like this, for the good of him and the team. Unwatchable.

Michael Schumacher: 7 – There is no longer any respect for age. They call you a stupid old man. They keep telling you that yes, you might be fine after all, but that it's not for you anymore. They give you a car that gives you Saturdays like a Leone and Sundays like a Coglione. It wasn't even a Rubik's Cube. Despite this you persist in trying. On Saturday you set a scary time, third on the grid. It rains on Sunday, you hope that for once the tire eater will change jobs. Nope. After two turns and a young French boy touches your ass - as if you were a beautiful pussy - making you do a turn worthy of a Viennese waltz. And from there on to the chase. You would have every reason to get out of the car, regardless of the rain, and slap the first person who passes by. So, to vent. But no. Because you are Crucco, in the good sense, a successful Crucco. And then you roll up your sleeves for the umpteenth time, suffer with the flood, with the intermediates, with the slicks, with everything. Senna passes you. Kobayashi passes you. But in the end you stay there. And at the finish line, by hook and by crook -thanks, Seb and Pastor- you claw a point. You clock in with a little dot that gives meaning to two hours spent dangerously. One point more than people like Massa, so to speak. And in front of your teammate. Sensational, once again, for its dedication and - by God - speed. And who knows without Cyclone Grosjean… Stainless.

Nico Rosberg: 5th – The considerations are always the same. Ross Brawn is not an idiot, his strategies work, and at a certain point Nico was even fourth. But then the Pirelli Cinturato turns into clay, the performance declines, it even has to stop one more time. Vettel, Räikkönen, Webber, Button pass it - again from memory. And he finishes thirteenth, thirty seconds behind the Hun from Kerpen. Well, here's the point. If Schumacher is boiled, Nico - who takes the heat from the 7-time world champion both in qualifying and in the race, despite the accident with Grosjean - needs to be slapped. If Nico is a phenomenon, then Michael is anything but stupid. In both cases it is difficult for us to promote it. Because suffering a car incapable of showing consistency can happen. Being put down by an old Uncle who everyone thinks is close to Alzheimer's may be a little easier. We need a bath of humility. From him and from all of us who have too often dismissed Schumacher's performances as pathetic. It's not like it's going to become a phenomenon from today, mind you. But maybe he deserved more respect. As for Nico, it's up to him, only him, to prove his worth. Fooled.

Kimi Räikkönen: 8,5th – In qualifying he overtakes his teammate. In the race he is constant, consistent, spirited when needed - see overtaking Rosberg - and sensible where required. He finishes fifth, without a single flaw, after keeping Webber's pace for a long time. This alone would be enough to give him a big vote. If you then add that, on the grid, he was serving a penalty for replacing the gearbox, and that it was the first time or so that he found himself driving in the wet with these tires after two years of inactivity... well, gentlemen, we are faced with to something very similar to a masterpiece. Do you want the icing on the cake? We also have that, and it is the fastest lap in the race, at the second event after returning to F1. The handle is there, few fuss. And if Lotus doesn't get tangled up in a technical crisis like the one in 2011... well, it will take away its great satisfaction. thank you, Kimi.

Romain Grosjean: 4,5th – Two errors in less than a quarter of an hour, the second of which was fatal. Second instant retirement in two races. Enthusiasm is fine, youth is fine, but enough is enough now. Also because in this case, in addition to his race, he also compromised that of a colleague. Difficult conditions, sure, but the same for everyone. An ice shower is needed. Clumsy.

Paul di Resta: 8 – If Force India continues to not convince your report card - but this is their problem, not yours - the same cannot be said of the two drivers of Mallya's team, for whom the undersigned clearly has a weakness. And from Sepang comes a nice injection of confidence for the writer's self-esteem. Because the Scotsman runs well, with commendable tactical wisdom. He is among the first to stop to put on the Full Wets and the gamble seems to pay off. But then he touches Maldonado slightly and this makes him waste time. But at the restart he maintained an excellent pace, immediately got rid of Vergne and sailed - literally - well inside the points zone - and well ahead of his teammate - until the finish line. Of course, he misses Senna's overtaking 3/4 of the way through the race, but he's fine like that. Seventh place is an excellent result. And the points collected on Malaysian soil are heavy and worth real gold. Wise.

Nico Hulkenberg: 6,5 – First checkered flag of the year and first points finish for the blond German based in Grove. He suffered a bit from the rain, also because the first pit stop after the suspension was perhaps a little late and this made him lose ground, and from a certain point onwards he gave the impression of paying more attention to the finish line - he would finish ninth - than to performance. But there's more to it than that. We can easily imagine him still being a rusty wire, and in conditions of wet, humid, semi-dry and so on, in his situation - and with his reputation as a car wrecker - the egg today is much better than an imaginary chicken tomorrow. Let's remember that at the time of Williams it wasn't Mallya who was in the pits but Patrick Head... And also because - to be honest - di Resta paid two positions, but just three seconds behind. That's good, for now. Cautious.

Kamui Kobayashi: 6 – Above all it is also unfortunate. First because the Sauber wall tries to differentiate strategies, and if Pérez's wins, his on the other hand doesn't cause havoc. Among other things, he stops to ride the Full Wet just before the neutralization. From the series "one more lap and everything changes". Then he suffers brake problems, which will lead to his retirement, and finally he delays the switch to dry tires waiting for a downpour that won't arrive until the end of the race. In the midst of this compilation of bad luck, a good start, the overtaking suffered - on the outside - by Ricciardo and Senna and the one given to Schumacher. And, we believe, many regrets. All in all it seems unfair to reject it, also because we don't remember any major mistakes. Courage!

Sergio Perez: 10 – If you want to believe it, you might wonder if the Pope, visiting Mexico, didn't send him some kind of help from heaven. To be even more dreamy, if he had been on slicks, the same lap as Alonso would have had a real chance of winning the Grand Prix. If we want to be rational, second place is probably the one that everyone agrees on, the driver, the pit wall, the engineers. And also motorists, go. But that's fine. The garage drives him perfectly, leaving him with intermediate tires on the flooded track, and it's a gamble that pays off, given the neutralization. But from then on the result is all up to him. Fruit of his foot, of his sensitivity to driving, of his coldness. Too bad for the mistake when he was now in Fernando's exhaust. Certainly that «WE NEED THIS POSITION» It didn't make him any happier. But the performance - and also the placement - remain. Ah, one last, necessary one: Sergio is in all respects a paying driver. What did he lack compared to others, handsomely paid, seen in Sepang? A contract with a team in red, you say? Mmmm. Legendary.

Daniel Ricciardo: 6,5rd – We expected more, there's no denying it. However, the Australian struggled at the start of the race and, unlike his teammate, he was immediately stopped by the wall to replace the intermediate tires with the Full Wet ones. A conservative choice which however sends him back into the wild pile. At a certain point he starts putting on a show. He gets involved in duels with Senna, Kobayashi, Senna again, Button, Massa, Button again. He is the author of splendid overtaking on the outside, he is often framed, he is pawing the ground. But, as sometimes happens, those who make a scene don't score points and vice versa. Vergne, favored by the strategy, plays the little ant and takes home the loaf. He takes the applause but returns to the pits hungry. He still kept us entertained. The box choices didn't reward him, we did. After all, even if they make him play the part of a man of experience, he is in all respects a pseudo-debutante in his first full season in the Circus. Or not? Showman.

Jean-Éric Vergne: 8 – He, on the other hand, is deb without pseudo. And in his second race in Formula 1 he scores the first points of his career, especially in terrible conditions. At the beginning the team keeps him out with the intermediates. He remains on the track - by his own admission - almost by miracle, but the neutralization gives him a provisional seventh place with the possibility of being able to start again with the Full Wet. Beard and hair, of course. At the restart he gets fooled by Massa [!!] and later even di Resta overtakes him, but he is good at not making mistakes and in the end he will be rewarded with the eighth place finish. All the more precious because - it is worth repeating - it is a result that comes in the second race in the top Formula, with torrential rain. He avenges the shame - if we can call it that - of the overtaking suffered at the last corner in Australia. And he earns points in the team. What more? Navigated.

Pastor Maldonado: 6 – Another frozen shower a few km from the end of the race. But this time, unlike Melbourne, not the Venezuelan's fault. In this case it is in fact the engine that says enough. Choosing elegant smoke messages to convey the message to the poor Pastor. Which had led a positive, regular race, with fewer fireworks than Albert Park but still profitable. He messes up a bit at the first stop, touches down with di Resta, and from the restart onwards he tries above all to stay out of trouble. It is no coincidence that he will be framed every now and then a couple of times. When tenth place now seemed within reach, the aforementioned Renault engine blurted out «my pistons are spinning too much!!! what a great pain in the connecting rods!!!» leaving him stranded, dejected and melancholy. Sin. However, it should be noted that this time the part of the Cinderella in the team, given Senna's phenomenal comeback, fell to him. Who knows if he will want to say something. Deluded.

Bruno Senna: 9 – He is the third hero of Sepang, Bruno Senna from Sao Paulo, Bruno Senna the Recommended for the most sceptical, Bruno Lalli for the baddest. Now, I won't be the one to say if Bruno is a Phenomenon, a Brocco, a Genius, an Asshole, a Stopper, a Recommended or so on. First because this is not the place, second because your report card writer has neither the qualifications nor the authority to spit out sentences. Everything that comes out of my keyboard will be a humble comment on the Sepang performance. To the SUPERLATIVE performance in Sepang. ready-go, Bruno immediately stops in the pits and falls to the back of the group. At the restart he was 22nd. Then he goes wild. His Williams starts to fly, and in sequence Kobayashi, Ricciardo, Michael Schumacher, Hülkenberg and di Resta pass. He will finish splendidly sixth. Without an error, a flaw. Exemplary mix of concreteness and aggressiveness. We repeat: just as we did not get on the bandwagon of the detractors, we will not get on that of the winners today. Also because his surname still sends a shiver down our backs, and in one sense or another it is difficult to be objective, whether we want to or not. But in Sepang it was great. And he deserves it. Magical [and sorry].

Heikki Kovalainen: 5 – For goodness sake, suffering a grid penalty for driving a Caterham is a bit like shooting at the Red Cross with a Marine assault rifle equipped with a precision sight and detonating bullets. But it seemed less brilliant than on other occasions. Starting from the error in the early stages of the race [after an incredible start, and this is nothing new, which had even lifted him to fifteenth place] which forced him to make an additional stop to replace the nose cone. The car is unbalanced, it skids, it wriggles like an eel in the hands of a fisherman, and he struggles to even keep it on the track. At the finish line he is 46 seconds behind Petrov. A bit too many, even for someone with an angry bird drawn on his helmet. Beaten.

Vitaly Petrov: 7 – There was more than just a war between Russia and Finland. Indro Montanelli, who was no fool, went so far as to define the Finnish resistance to the Soviet troops as "the only act of heroism of the Second World War". The Finns prevailed then. In Sepang, without wanting to disturb that story, however, the battle was won by Comrade Petrov. The war is still long, of course. There will be 18 more battles. But the Malayan Campaign has considerable strategic importance, because it was played on poor, wet, treacherous terrain. From real men. A victory that gives morale to the Troops. Comrade Petrov is happy, and he has reason to be happy. He fights well, at the level of armies better equipped than him, and distances the Finnish troops by a good 46 seconds. Without doing anything wrong. Much had been said on the eve of the day about the advisability or otherwise of assigning command of the battalion to the Russian Comrade. But at least in Sepang no one complained about the choice. We got a little carried away, you say? Alright. Martial.

Pedro de la Rosa: 6 - Crazy stuff. After the Australian pseudo-farce, with the car assembled directly in the pits, now HRT is giving us a new must: the debut with drive through. There is a fuel pressure problem, the mechanics linger on Pedro's car, they manage to get it started but the penalty is inflexible. The first of the year, among other things, for lovers of statistics [Mazzoni docet]. If a good morning starts in the morning, we're in a really good place. It's incredible to read what the good Pedro says at the end of the race. Listen to this: «It was the best race to debut the HRT [!!!]. We need to improve many things, but this was a great test. We got what we wanted." I don't know about you, but I get a little nervous reading these things. However, everything aside, Pedro crosses the finish line, very far behind, but he gets there. He doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't screw up the dubbing. He seems really happy. How to rage? Seraphic.

Narain Karthikeyan: 6,5 – He deserves a ten just for having said, at the end of the race, «I recovered two positions from 23rd place, it's something to smile about». You don't quite understand if he is there or does it. Then you think about it and it occurs to you that - incredible but true - he even carves out his famous quarter of an hour of fame by climbing to tenth place [due to missed pit stop] at the neutralization. If he sells it well, he could become a national hero. And in any case, always thinking about it, his HRT may not be fast but it certainly is robust. First Button hits him, then he runs across the fields, then he also touches Vettel. Always without major damage. Indestructible, truly. Regarding the contacts, in the opinion of the writer in the first case it is Button who overwhelms him, in the second it is a bit of a contributory fault, and the penalty that the stewards will inflict on him at the end of the race is excessive. I don't know why, but I can't fault his performance. In some ways grotesque, in others romantic, in others completely crazy. But all in all he crossed the finish line, even before de la Rosa, for that matter. How do you postpone it to September? Mythological.

Timo Glock: 6,5 – By hook and by crook Timo keeps a certain Kovalainen behind him at the finish line. And in the endless war between the so-called new teams - which, to be honest, aren't really that new anymore - this is a decidedly significant fact. He drives well, Timo, all in all to the maximum of the possibilities that the modest Marussia offers him. He crosses the finish line in seventeenth position, in defiance of superstitious people and jet-setters. How do you say? Is running something else? You're right, but what can we do about it? Of the golden years, those at Toyota, only the sound of the rain on the asphalt remains. Glock… Glock…. Glock… What a bad thing, melancholy. Courage!

Charles Pic: 6 – For the first time he finds himself driving an F1 with Full Wet tires and all things considered he isn't doing too badly at all. Or rather, to be honest, it doesn't make any mistakes and runs at times that are all in all acceptable. When the track dries he is more comfortable and it shows, but now Glock is gone and he can only limit himself to bringing the car to the finish line, controlling the mild threat coming from the HRT [this then...]. It's a shame about a clutch problem that made him lose time at the third stop, but the result wouldn't have changed anyway. He deserves a passing grade only because, in complicated conditions and in his second F1 race, he brings the car home without even a scratch on the bodywork. His Crew will be happy. And so do we. Prudent.

Manuel Codignoni
www.f1grandprix.it